Urgent help needed; E34 wont turn over

[Coadster]

Long story short, i was at a friends house doing rear brake work all night.

We got the brake work done, and while he was finishing up his side, i decided to move some stuff from the back seat to the trunk. I noticed some time later the interior lights shut off. Figured it was a time out (so to not drain the battery) I didnt think anything of it.

Im not sure if the keys were in the ignition or not, not sure if it matters. Key is NOT a transponder. No alarm system on the car.

Anyway, got the back end off the stands and went to start the car... Nothing.

The key turns, all the dash lights come on as usual, but when I turn the key to start, nothing happens, nothing clicks, and no dash lights even dim.

Now, the interesting part. When the doors are opened now, the interior lights do NOT come on. The power windows, sunroof, glovebox light, and central locking system are all innoperative, its like they just dont work anymore.

I checked all the fuses, ten times, they all look good.

I have no idea where to start. I looked around online and decided to leave the battery disconnected with the terminals bridged, so thats how the car is sitting right now.

It started out as a simple rear brake job at 10:30 last night. It is now 8:24am and im still up and at a wits end.

Any help or advice would be much appreciated. I cant afford to take it to a dealership or even a shop at this point... and I feel bad for taking up the space in his garage.

Please, if anyone has had similar issues or knows whats happening... im desperate. I need a vehicle.

Thank you all very much.

[jfj707]

Are you sure it does not have EWS, being a '95 model year? If it is an EWS issue, I have no idea how to troubleshoot that for you.

The only other things I can tell you to check are the fusible link (search on that) or the battery. I know that some lights are working fine, but BMW's do NOT like having less than enough voltage under load and do very strange things when the batteries are weak or drained. Put a charger on it or try jumping the car to see if anything changes.

Disclaimer: this is general advice, I've never experienced your exact symptoms, although I have had a weak battery cause me problems before.

[Coadster]

We did try jumping it, that was my first thought. I also looked at the fusible link, i jumped a wire across it and nothing.

After a bit of research it looks like it IS equipped with EWS2. Why i am having a problem with it I do not know. I didnt think it had a transponder because they key I have is just the push button light. It didnt look like there was anything else in there !

[jfj707]

We did try jumping it, that was my first thought. I also looked at the fusible link, i jumped a wire across it and nothing.

After a bit of research it looks like it IS equipped with EWS2. Why i am having a problem with it I do not know. I didnt think it had a transponder because they key I have is just the push button light. It didnt look like there was anything else in there !

IIRC there is a transponder in the key and a ring antenna around the ignition switch.

[upallnight]

If the engine does not start, or the alarm sounds when you open the door, the general module may be faulty. If you can hear a clicking sound from the starter the starter is either faulty or the battery is discharged. If the battery is discharged, charge it using a battery charger. Jump-start at your own risk (I've seen a $1500 DSP module get fried from a jump start/booster pack). If no sound or electrical surge is detected, the immobilizer may be faulty.

[Coadster]

No alarm. The one and only key I have is just the one with the push button light. So as far as I know there is no alarm system/keyless entry. The starter doesnt click... nothing happens when the key is fully turned. As previously mentioned, no interior lights, power windows, sunroof, and the central locking system isnt working...

The thing that baffles me the most is that I didnt do anything.... a brake job turned into this? wtf?

[Coadster]

Im an idiot. Im STILL kicking myself in the ass. I wasnt aware there were MORE fuses underneath the back seat... opposite the battery. 2 fuses were popped. Not sure what they were from . both 7.5A. Replaced them, and guess what.....

[m60b40]

Im an idiot. Im STILL kicking myself in the ass. I wasnt aware there were MORE fuses underneath the back seat... opposite the battery. 2 fuses were popped. Not sure what they were from . both 7.5A. Replaced them, and guess what.....

Glad you sort it out, I was going to suggest DME relay or a new starter.

[cdmbmw]

Those fuses (f32 & f33) are for the central locking system, door lock heaters and sunroof.
I had a job on a 95 e34 with the exact same issue, it took me alot of hours to figure out.. Its really interesting because our GT1 does not mention this as a possible cause of no signal from EWS, I couldn't even see any relation in the wiring diagrams.
It was by dumb luck that I stumbled across these blown fuses.

I'm sure 20 years ago there was alot more information regarding these cars and I would have been able to find the issue in the day.

So don't feel bad that you had troubles figuring this one out, it had our whole shop stumped.

[SpiritofBavaria]

A reply on a 2 year old thread unveils yet another obscure e34 no start issue. Im going to add this to the no crank checklist.

[daibach007]

If the dash does not come on ie milage readout etc brake lights do not work and a few other things like windscreen wipers and the engine makes no attempt to start no clicks of starter relays and battery is good CHECK FUSE 1 UNDER THE HOOD.Fuse 1 feeds all these plus the computer with fuse 20 . Change fuse 1 mine looked good but was open.
I was in a drive through and the dash went off and then the engine stopped. Towed home only to find the fuse open circuit.
Always remember most problems have a simple cause it is finding the cause that is not so simple.
If it happens again check everything fuse 1 feeds most likely it is the brake light circuit.