Update:
A couple new issues to add to the growing list. What did I expect, though? I was averaging around a dealer visit per month so why would that change?
Today my wife found herself basically trapped in the car. None of the door locks unlocked via the remote or the interior door lock switch or even by pulling on the door handle of any door. Not only is this a major inconvenience (she had to let herself out all day today by lowering the window, pulling out the manual key from the key fob, and unlocking herself from the outside while still sitting in the car), but it's also a major safety issue in the event of an accident. It also sometimes won't lock the doors using the fob or interior switch although that's not consistent.
Additionally the car apparently resets the mirrors and seat position to some sort of default setting at random... not while driving (at least not yet) but while we're not in the car.
Also, the brakes (which were all 100% replaced by the dealer a couple months back) started groaning loudly whenever backing the car up for about a week. Like embarrassingly loudly. This problem went away before I had a chance to call the dealer about it though so maybe something just got stuck in a caliper or something...
The earliest the dealer could fit me in was Friday morning so I will be doing the 'roll down the window and let myself out' trick until then. Hopefully the windows continue to work or I really will be completely trapped. Watch it catch on fire next and kill me inside of it. This damn thing is possessed.
I'm so sick of this car... if the dealer can't get this issue corrected I'm going to see if BMW will just take it back early from me and let me walk away from this nightmare.
I know this thread probably bothers some of you that love BMW, so let me restate I understand I probably just got unlucky... but please ask yourself how mad you would be if you had such consistent troubles from your almost brand new 47k dollar luxury car.