Here's how it goes: Say something and then say "Ask me how I know!"

Okay okay I'll start:

Unless you want to do a search on "oil+drain+plug+broke," when you go to finish up your oil change, use a torque wrench or realize that 18 ft-lbs is NOT THAT TIGHT.

Ask me how I know.


Okay okay, who's next!

You should change your fan clutch just because the Bimmergods have cursed them.. DONT ASK ME HOW I KNOW :)

Unless you want to crush a digit black and blue, wear mechanic's gloves when using the ball joint removal tool to remove the thrust arms. Ask me how I know.

energy drinks can be very addictive. ask me how i know.

Don't want to get yourself a brand new windshield? well, hold that shift knob nice and tied when replacing it. Ask me how I know.

Winter + E39 = New front bumper.... ask me how I know....

You shopuld steam clean an engine vs. power wash...alot of things have a tendencey to short out ask me how I know!!

If you dont want to get a flat and dent your brand new 18inch Mpars the day after you put them on, You should never and i meen never let your Girlfriend distract you with an argument when driving around lost in NJ

...........ask me how i know!

Unless you want to do a search on "oil+drain+plug+broke," when you go to finish up your oil change, use a torque wrench or realize that 18 ft-lbs is NOT THAT TIGHT.

Oil extractor FTW! :stickoutt


Here's mine:
It helps to close the driver's door before pulling out of a single-car garage. Ask me how I know!

When someone says "You'll see why you don't want to remove the front panel, so don't remove the front panel on the climate control panel" and you don't see why you shouldn't remove the front panel, don't remove the front panel. Ask me how I know.

Geba water pump sucks... ask me how i know

living by careless korean women sucks even more... ask me how i know

living by useless korean guy who drives a POS Maxima sucks just as much... ask me how i know

spinning ball joints suck... ask me how i know.

If the plastic coolant bleeder screw brakes off, replace the expansion tank and bleeder screw at the same time. Ask me how do I know?

You will feel stupid when you put on an M5 badge on a non M5.....ask me how i know!

We are all guilty of doing it.....ask me how i know.

energy drinks can be very addictive. ask me how i know.
:lol

Don't drive an E39 in snow without proper tires. Ask me how I know.

Geba water pump sucks... ask me how i know

living by careless korean women sucks even more... ask me how i know



Can I ask you for her number instead?

threesomes all fun and games until they pregnant... ask me how I know...
:(

Not all powdered metal connecting rods used in the M62 are created equal. Ask me how I know.

Not all control arms are creewated equally ask me how I know......

You may regret debadging, ask me how I know.

Not all control arms are creewated equally ask me how I know......

Created isnt spelled creewated................ask me how i know!

threesomes all fun and games until they pregnant

They?


:eek:

They?


:eek:

He's lucky he said pregnant. Otherwise it could be assumed that he was referring to two guys, one girl or ..... gulp.... three guys. :bj :booty :boink

YACK! :shifty

It's important not to rely on the factory cup holders to hold a hot cup of coffee when accelerating...ask me how I know.

You've installed a K&N airfilter despite all the warnings and are now replacing a MAF. ASK ME HOW I KNOW! (no, I never got to clean and re-oil)

a "stock" 525i/a tops out at ~143mph....
ask me how I know
:eyecrazy :buttrock

youre girlfreind being out of town for 3 weeks sucks

ask me how i know

putting it as carefully as I can:
Mike Diamond plumbing is as close to a_______________ as can be...
do your self a favor and NEVER call them for ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!.
"ask me how I know", but please, dont get me started.....
:cashwalle

AND.. if your wife is a legal editior and knows more than most lawyers do.. you can get all the charges reversed and a failing grade for the smellgood buttcrack plumber jerks on the BBB website..
ASK ME HOW I KNOW.... take that ya basta___!!

Forgetting to mention to your pregnant wife that you just spent $1600 on BMW parts and she has to drag them in off the front porch while you are at work is not a good idea.... Ask me how I know!

putting it as carefully as I can:
Mike Diamond plumbing is as close to a_______________ as can be...
do your self a favor and NEVER call them for ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!.
"ask me how I know", but dont get me started.....

Is that what that dude from the Beastie Boys is doing now?

"Is that what that dude from the Beastie Boys is doing now?"

from the beastie boys website:
Yauch played bass, Kate Schelledbach played drums, John played guitar and I (Micheal Diamond) sang.

no.. wrong guy. I'm sure Micheal is a decent guy.. unlike the people who works for Mike Diamond.
Just do yourself a favor.. and NEVER call them, or punch up the better business bureau for a second opinion first..
http://www.labbb.org/BBBWeb/Forms/Business/CompanyReportPage_Expository.aspx?CompanyID=130529 45 (http://www.labbb.org/BBBWeb/Forms/Business/CompanyReportPage_Expository.aspx?CompanyID=130529 45)
I only wish I would have checked first...
remember, they smell good, but the ____ stinks.

oh.. "ask me how I know"

When you post for the 1,000th time you feel a need to tell everyone. Ask me how I know.

"When you post for the 1,000th time you feel a need to tell everyone. Ask me how I know."
congratulations!!!!!.... (ya big mouth!!!! hahaaaaaaa)-
[jealous of you] :buttrock
nice ride too!!.. ask me how I know

E39'ers are without a doubt, THE COOLOEST GROUP OF PEOPLE ON THE NET.... ask me how I know... :D

When the wife says, " Do whatever the hell you want!" Doesn't quite mean what I thought! Ask me how I know!

okay..... "everything I know is wrong"... ask me how I know..

but in any case...?
FP5241, I'd have to agree.. and this is the best place ever...
Thank you everyone for everything... you are all the best...and this is a very cool thread PJB (Thank you)
"Ask me how I know"
:hacker

Don't go on a three hour ride with your Beagle when you have leather seats....Ask me how I know.

When you take your doggie on a ride- ya get one of these from this place...
http://www.drsfostersmith.com/Product/Prod_Display.cfm?pcatid=11123&N=2001+113233


"ask me how I know"
it works in explorers too...especially when the jerk in front of you stops all of a sudden
"no more trying to hold the dog from splatting on the floor" AND all the hairs stays stuck to the lamb wool deck
clean-ups a snap, and no toe holes in the seats either...it's a way cool sling/thing
even still...any dog that pees on a bimmer seat doesnt deserve a ride. (TO THE MOON ALICE!!)

When you take your doggie on a ride- ya get one of these from this place...
http://www.drsfostersmith.com/Product/Prod_Display.cfm?pcatid=11123&N=2001+113233

http://i162.photobucket.com/albums/t252/robotz991/021_5_shrunk-1.jpg
"ask me how I know" (what a whimp of a dog eh??)

That wouldn't contain Him...he likes to see where he's going !
It took an hour to get all the dog hair vacuumed out...last ride he gets in my baby ....he's relegated to the Explorer now

...and this is a very cool thread PJB (Thank you)
"Ask me how I know"
:hacker

No, thank YOU! I'm surprised to see this game being played so long! Okay okay I have another:

Seems obvious enough: when you're changing your rear rotors DISENGAGE your parking brake unless you want to royally screw things up back there. Ask me how I know.

hahaaa.. good one.. one more from me and I'll let it be...
my daughter told me once:
"asking for a ride somewhere is like asking the dog if it wants to go for a walk..."

I ask- how did she know??
pant/pant////arf-arf!!

When you change your water pump, CHANGE THE FRIGGIN THERMOSTAT.

....ask me how I know!:confused

When you paint a car body part, paint the entire peice.... at once.

When using a microfiber cloth to dry your car, make sure it wasnt soaking in a spilled bottle of windex before you wipe... ask me how I know.... :banghead:

when towing an e39 with truck and trailer it is very important to have the right size ball for the trailer. ask me how I know.

When you buy an E39 you will catch a severe fever and may never recover. Ask me how I know?

The shifter knob in your manual e39 WILL come off in your hand if you jerk it hard enough trying to power-shift during a fit of road rage; the shifter itself will bounce back to the center position, causing you to redline in neutral and people in cars around you to look alarmingly in your direction. Ask me how I know.

Also...if your DSC and ABS lights come on, and your speedo, odo, and fuel economy gauge cut out...it's your ABS module gone bad, NOT your wheel speed sensors. Ask me how I know.

Rank amateurs should not try to wet sand touch up spots on a black hood and then expect to buff them out with a PC.....

You don't want to know how I know!

Don't run your e39 out of gas unless you want to put in a new fuel pump.
Don't believe a BMW indy mechanic who tells you it's $650 to replace said fuel pump.

A.M.H.I.K.

threesomes all fun and games until they pregnant... ask me how I know...
:(

Now I gotta ask, How do you know?

Let's see, $4500 from dinan for 50hp, or $4000 from VF for 130hp?? Uh Bob, i'll take dinan for the rip off please.

ask me how i know.

never fight a crab with a chopstick, u'll lose eventually...ask me how i know...

Don't pull into your parking spot (has a high curb) at full speed and then realize that you are driving your E39 and not your tall 4x4. OOPPS Ouch!
Ask me how I know!

"When you post for the 1,000th time you feel a need to tell everyone. Ask me how I know."
congratulations!!!!!.... (ya big mouth!!!! hahaaaaaaa)-
[jealous of you] :buttrock
nice ride too!!.. ask me how I know

:rofl

Window Switches and Door Actuators are fragile...ask me how I know. :(

BFC is addictive... ask me how i know

or

You're kids belong to me... ask me how i know

take your pick

Rank amateurs should not try to wet sand touch up spots on a black hood and then expect to buff them out with a PC.....

You don't want to know how I know!

I'm a noob and SSR 2.5 made short work of the wet-sanding marks on Schwarz II. :dunno

Addicted to BFC.
Ask me how I know. :(

you cant have a girl in a bikini as an avatar, or if ya do currently have something you cant take to church- they will be after you soon enough as well..they just havent seen "yours" yet..
BUT.. you can post sexually graphic cartoon icons all day long...

Ask me how i know.

:bj :flipa :69 :boobies :babyd (enough examples?? WTF???)
:whatmiss I'm confused... :confused

Got rid of a gold digger girlfriend only to end up with a gold digging car!

Best friend tells me to get a BMW because it fits me.... He never said I would have to join a bimmerforum and spend all free time searching DIY ideas just to earn back that $1500 you spent repairing your car in the last 3 months, not to mention having your new girlfriend telling you, " You are obsessed with theBMW forum"
Ask me how I know

When they say strobe lights lie... believe them.
Go on..... ask me how I know....
:eek:

Saab drivers now think that all BMW drivers are assholes!
ask me how i know.

If you absolutely must use an automated carwash, make sure it is a familiar one that you trust.:rolleyes

Ask me how I know...

Hey!!
It's the return of the ask me game!!!

Key programming threads for E39's DO NOT WORK....... ask me how I know... :shifty

if your car vibrates like an unbalanced washing machine in park, it's prolly your auxiliary fan gone very bad..ask me how I know...

Arby's plastic drink "lids" + e39 cup throwers = :mad

Ask me how I know.... :shifty

if you have a cat loose in your e39 it's not a good time to visit a drive-thru. Ask me how I know.

When your other (more reliable) vehicle breaks down you start to baby the BMW.
Ask me how I know.

it is a good idea to double check that you torqued your wheel bolts after setting the car down.

ask me how i know.

You should call home and ask the wife if the dogs ok ,before picking said dog up of the highway after someone has killed said dog,and forgetting that the dead dog is in the trunk and calling home latter just to find out thats not my dog--ask me how do I know

to try and back your E39 out the spiral entrance ramp into the parking garage just because traffic is slow after the Indians beat the BoSox's in the MLB playoffs. Ask my front fender how I know. SOB, WTF was I thinking.:mad

Also its a bad idea to let any dog into your just tinted E39. Brand new tint isn't actually supposed to have nail marks from your dog in it, ask me how I know.

Brushless car washes can blow your mirror housing right off so it's kicked around like a f'ing hockey puck for a day or so in the car wash bay, ask me how I know.

It's snowing outside, ask me how I know...:stickoutt

It's bad when the lowest mileage, most reliable car you own is a 1988 Ford Country Squire with a 351 that uses a variable venturi carburetor -- ask me how I know.

I mean, the friggin' thing just can't be killed!

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y163/philboski/IMG_0021.jpg

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y163/philboski/IMG_0023-1.jpg

It's bad when the lowest mileage, most reliable car you own is a 1988 Ford Country Squire with a 351 that uses a variable venturi carburetor -- ask me how I know.

I mean, the friggin' thing just can't be killed!

Fake wood panelling and a 351W FTMFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fake wood panelling and a 351W FTMFW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

351 cubic inches with 170 hp. DEEEE-troit POWAH!:buttrock

No fake wood panelling. It is the rare and coveted steelside. I'll edit the original post and put in a a pic or two tonight.

351 cubic inches with 170 hp. DEEEE-troit POWAH!:buttrock

No fake wood panelling. It is the rare and coveted steelside. I'll edit the original post and put in a a pic or two tonight.

Steelside Country Squire...:urtheman

It's a really good idea to remember that you are still in the garage, just starting to pull out, before hitting the garage door remote. Ask me how I know.

It's also a good idea to stop and take a look under your car if you hear a scraping sound as you go around corners. AMHIK

-K

1. After torquing down your wheel lugs, you should remove the wheel lock key from the stud before you take it for a test drive. Ask me how I know.

2. Don't assume the garage is free and clear of debris before pulling into it - even when it WAS in that condition when you left - wife/kids are the x-factor on this one. Ask me how I know.

If your dad never once changed the transmission fluid on his Fords, doesn't mean that you should listen when he says it's not necessary on your Acura. SCRUNCH! GRONK! CLUNK! Ask me how I know....

Steelside Country Squire...:urtheman

Actually, I would have liked to have the wood panelling, partly because a) it's good to have wood, and b) the car immediately looks more like the Family Truckster!

http://www.imcdb.org/images/025/982.jpg

Oh yeah -- ask me how I know.......

I can fit my ex-wife and a friend in the trunk of mine..:devillook

Ask him how he knows........

The cupholders are terrible, but just setting your DQ Misty Freeze (Cherry flava) in the sunglass tray, works even worse.

Ask me how I know...

Just because people you know are parallel parking behind your car DOES NOT mean that they will tell you when they "nick" it, resulting in a cracked taillight and $800 in damage.

Ask me, or see the thread on how I know...

Actually, I would have liked to have the wood panelling, partly because a) it's good to have wood, and b) the car immediately looks more like the Family Truckster!

http://www.imcdb.org/images/025/982.jpg

Oh yeah -- ask me how I know.......


That's actually the Family Truckster Deluxe.

OK, my original post has been edited with pics.....ask me how I know :D

When changing parts make sure you buy o-rings, clips etc. related to them. AMHIK
don't rely on BMW oil change schedule(s). AMHIK

Hey, a new acronym for us to use!

When installing parts that are marked R and L for different sides of the car, it's probably best to make sure several times that they're oriented properly, as opposed to finding out at the LAST step, AMHIK.

When swapping out a sound system, always discontent the battery first, and if not… never never accidentally earth the power wire onto a steel dash.

Ask me how I know.. lol

When swapping out a sound system, always discontent the battery first, and if not… never never accidentally earth the power wire onto a steel dash.

Ask me how I know.. lol
NICE.

That reminds me, when connecting a car battery, always connect the positive wire first. That means connect the ground wire second. Red then black. Even when doing this, watch where your wrench hits, just in case you got it backwards, cause arc welding happens fast.

AMHIK...

(don't worry, it wasn't the 5er!)

Battery welding FTL.... :(

No matter how many titles you try for a parked thread, noobs will always post first!

AMHIK

:rofl:

Dont ever use the factory jack on one side and use another jack for the other side to raise the front of your car. It might cause a dent and paint repair project for the side the factory jack is on. Ask me, I will let you know.

I like this tread, I'm learning a lot. Too bad I didn't learn earlier. :nono

Dont ever use the factory jack on one side and use another jack for the other side to raise the front of your car. It might cause a dent and paint repair project for the side the factory jack is on. Ask me how I know...

I like this thread, I'm learning a lot. Too bad I didn't learn earlier. :nono
*fixed*
:)

James... the clean up man.... :cool

Never schedule your bills to be paid automatically online on the same day....
ask me how I know........
:cashwalle :shifty :(

make sure you open the door if you want to get out the car without a big bump on your forehead, ASK ME HOW I KNOW =)...

Getting roadhead can knock the shifter to N and cause the engine to rev at extremly hight RPM for a long time w/o you even notice it.

Ask me cuz I got it.

Carmen Electra is very short and a great kisser.....ask me how i know:devillook

sorry, i had to exhume this thread...

never wait until your tank is on E before you refill...and when you do go ahead and keep it at least at half a tank. after a $65 tow bill + putting an order to "name withheld" for a fuel pump and paying extra to have it shipped within 2 days only to get an email saying my part is on back order and it expects to be shipped around 1 to 2 weeks, then having to buy it from the dealer...ask me how I know

sorry, i had to exhume this thread...

never wait until your tank is on E before you refill...and when you do go ahead and keep it at least at half a tank. after a $65 tow bill + putting an order to "name withheld" for a fuel pump and paying extra to have it shipped within 2 days only to get an email saying my part is on back order and it expects to be shipped around 1 to 2 weeks, then having to buy it from the dealer...ask me how I know


Sucks to be you........ask me how I know.....j/k..........or Am I? :shifty

Sucks to be you........ask me how I know.....j/k..........or Am I? :shifty

amazingly, aside from a brief lapse from having my car's fuel pump die en route to g/f's house, being me still ranks up there pretty high :alright

watch how you run on roads that are in the process off being paved because the rocks are relentless on fog lamp lense and frames, ask me how i know?

Dont ever use the factory jack on one side and use another jack for the other side to raise the front of your car. It might cause a dent and paint repair project for the side the factory jack is on. Ask me, I will let you know.

I like this tread, I'm learning a lot. Too bad I didn't learn earlier. :nonothis is why you live in the show me state and the rest of us dont,ask me how i know?

OK, I will play.... Never attempt to change your own clutch with the car on jack stands on a hot blacktop drive:nono